"If it looks like it's made for a 20 year-old, we don't make it."

What's cheap, annoying, young, and polyester-y?
Yep, I'm sure you guessed it: American Eagle Outfitters.
Do you want to look boring and conventional? Do you want your look to be overwhelmed by over-saturated fuchsias and kelly greens? Do you want your clothes to fall apart? Then hey, it's your store. American Eagle represents the opposite of everything that I agree with. The stores play loud pop music, complete with music videos, the clothes are far too stretchy for anyone's good, and the design aesthetic is juvenile, often heart-covered, and easy.

But a thousand "oh, thank GOD"s for sister lines! American Eagle, through all their mundanity, realized that in order to succeed they'd have to appeal to a wider base than just "tell Brian that Katy said that Amber thought Josh liked Stacy".
Thus, American Eagle's developers created Martin+Osa, a clothing store that targets a 25-40 year-old customer.
And oh my GOD, they did it WELL.
The store is named for a "globetrotting husband and wife team" who apparently did all sorts of exciting things in Africa and the South Pacific, which is why the brand is so travel and outdoor-oriented. The store will recycle customers' old clothing, and screens in the stoor play videos of a couple (resembling the original Martin and Osa) being very organic, flowery, and calmly excited about the outdoors.
Martin+Osa is one of those lifestyle retailers, a store into which you walk and everything around you suddenly transports you elsewhere. The storefront has no windows, only wood and opaque blue glass. The stores themselves are cedar-scented (thanks to a continuous spray of two different woodsy scents) and wood-lined, with very minimalistic and organic decor. Well-designed lighting effects make it look as though clouds are passing overhead.
I think Martin+Osa is one of the smartest stores around. The minute you walk in you are welcomed by a scent of cedar (what other clothing store smells like cedar?), and at the counter, displayed for the purchase, are Martin+Osa candles that smell exactly the same. As you shop, a sales person will offer you a free bottle of Fiji water. The dressing rooms feature floor-to (very tall) ceiling doors and mirrors. Inside the dressing room is a well-designed button to press for assistance, underneath which is the phrase "We're at your beck+call", which repeats the plus sign used in the store logo. Even tags are not attached to the clothing with plastic, but with these crazy metal safety pins unlike any I'd ever seen before.
Needless to say, Martin+Osa is a very high-end retail experience for a moderate price. They've capitalized on the aesthetic of their store, and created a whole new trend. No detail or service was overlooked in the production of this brand, and I'm sure it will stay around for years.
And finally, people dressing above their age rather than below it!

See Me, Smell Me, Please Don't Eat Me

Let's focus for just a moment on Jessica Simpson. Not on her boobs, or meat-eating, or anything related to tunafish. Do you remember about five years ago, when her body-care line "Dessert" was popular? Well, I guess "popular" is a stretch. The line was all pink, plastic, and (worse) edible. The entire line was edible, and smelled edible, and looked edible. I always thought that was a little too weird- why, as Americans, do we need to eat the entire kitchen and then continue to lick our own calves?
Thus, my dismay upon learning about the upcoming collaboration between Sephora and Dylan's Candy Bar. I don't really understand what Dylan's is- it's an actual candy store, apparently three stories tall, that also sells clothing, shoes and pillows decorated with "DYLAN'S CANDY BAR".

I can't even begin to express my anger over shirts that have candy-related phrases or logos on them, so I'll let that one pass. But Sephora, Sephora is a shining heaven of new horizons (what did I just say?), it is an oasis of beautiful, life-changing products displayed beautifully and elegantly. When you walk into Sephora, you're a new woman with entirely new ideas.
These ideas do not include time-travel, or wanting to be 12 again and adorn yourself with lotions reminiscent of cupcakes. I don't know about anyone else, but the only time I allow myself to smell like food is during the holidays when Philosophy comes out with these babies:

But somehow, the use of Philosophy's food-inspired body washes still makes me feel mature and womanly, and doesn't leave me wanting to go hop on my Razor scooter and grab a Charleston Chew to munch while I watch "Boy Meets World".
I am disappointed that Sephora is teaming up with Dylan's, only because the idea will only make women look and act (and smell) younger, instead of looking and acting exactly the age that they are.

Say WHAT!

Taylor Momsen has recently signed on with IMG Modeling Agency. That kind of came from left field, right? Like, she's pretty, but is she really that pretty?
There's a kind of alternative, all-too noticeable, kind-of-needs-to-be-stared-at quality that most high fashion models have. Taylor never really struck me as that girl.

Taylor Momsen plays Jenny Humphrey on CW's "Gossip Girl" (thebestshowevercreatedever).
I predict we'll be seeing her in some Converse ads or maybe a couple for Lip Smackers or Go!International, but definitely not gracing the pages of W.

Update! (Look I've been on here long enough to warrant an update)

New favorite modes!
I was just looking at my old post of favorite models. Oh man, has it changed. Jessica Stam, I have since learned, is a major cootie queen-slash-kleptomaniac. When she fell on her face on the runway, I felt a little sad, but also kind of happy, because she's mean.
Lily Donaldson, as I've mentioned, is not all together that attractive anymore. Which really doesn't matter, but it's why she's unattractive: sickly thin! Which means she doesn't value herself and her health, and doesn't love herself completely. Which are very unattractive things in a woman.
Lily Cole was kind of too naked in a past issue of W, and I lost taste for her... She kind of bores me?
Why do I keep saying "kind of"?
New additions:
Ali Michael. You may have seen her on "The Today Show", and probably other shows having to do with days of the week, speaking up about anorexia nervosa. She's 18, and was 16 when diagnosed. Since then, she has recovered, and is using her voice to make an impact on the fashion world. Everyone else has tried to add pounds to runway models, but I think a real difference can be made once the models themselves start making a scene.

Caroline Trentini might just be the cutest thing ever. You'll know her because she's always jumping.

Du Juan is Asian, so I immediately liked her. Her name means "cuckoo bird".

Carmen Kass is president of the Estonian National Chess League, and once ran for European Parliament. And she looks just like that girl from Top Model.

Stanford Blatch in all his Plaid Glory

I've decided that there is no way to properly introduce a post about the Sex and the City movie. Every single woman is talking about this movie, and if I had a really good prize I would urge you to find a woman's blog that isn't talking about this movie. There is too much going through my head at this point for me to even form coherent thoughts- I am just too overcome by Charlotte's "I curse the day you were born!"; by Miranda's no-warning, terrifyingly sudden and far-too-long sex moment; and by the devastating lack of Aidan that I can't even speak about the movie yet. I have to let it all sink into my head first.
But this post is not about the movie. It doesn't matter what I think of the movie; what matters is the CLOTHES.
I hate to say it, and you all (I know there's more than one of you reading this!) probably hate me even more, but the clothes didn't thrill me; in fact they disappointed me. I went into the theater expecting to be floored by gorgeous Dries van Noten summer floral dresses, Carrie in one of those Balenciaga armor suits, Samantha in that satin-bow-equipped Louboutin of last spring. But instead, I got Charlotte in polka dots (Oscar de la Renta polka dots, but dots nonetheless), a lot of too-huge belts, and three of the only three Peter Som dresses I haven't liked. Ever.
What went wrong? I mean, Carrie will be Carrie, but Charlotte wouldn't wear black to a wedding. She just wouldn't.

And I understand that this is Vivienne Westwood, but does it have to look so '90s?

What I DID appreciate was Carrie's use of one of those insanely-huge clutches (I don't remember who it was by), and some components of her white Ralph Lauren suit in the opening.
And I understand Carrie's wedding dress. Most people just guffaw at it (look I said "guffaw") and call it ugly. But come ON, the thing is Vivienne Westwood. It's not going to be "pretty", it's not going to be normal or expected or wedding-y, or flattering. I even understood the bird on her head. If you noticed, everyone had plumes on their noggins this past Fashion Week, and Carrie would totally fall right into that trend. She's Carrie.
There was one dress that I loved! I don't know who it's by, which is totally lame. But this dress is a beautifu, toned-down, wearable version of her wedding dress. And Holy Manolo, Stanford, you're cuter than pie.

Just one little thing... Her "Something Blue" Manolos, you know, THE Manolos. In the movie they were said to have cost $545. In reality they cost $945.

Would you want to be proposed to with something you know you'd gotten a $400 deal on?
Well, I guess anything would work.

Time to Pay a Visit to Lululemon

"Overdressed travelers pay less attention to the surroundings and more to themselves." Thank GOD my best friend gave me this great quote because my blog-inspiration river was running dry as a milkless cow. (Also let's all be sure to thank God for Wicked, from whence this quote came.) I am about to venture on a couple trips that will involve airplanes, and because of that, I have been thinking a lot about travel wear. Mainly: airplane wear. Seems like most people think of the airport as that one place where it really is okay to wear their pajamas in public.
THEY ARE WRONG.
Not only because you can never wear your pajamas in public, but also because that is downright disrespectful. People are cramped into some pretty close quarters in airplanes, and inadvertently, a stranger's leg will brush against yours. If I were that stranger, I would go through every contortion possible to avoid brushing up against a pajama leg. That's just sick. Also, there are about... a thousand billion people in an airport at any given moment. So looking sloppy, where does that get you, exactly?
I know that it's all about comfort, and that an airplane seat does nothing to make comfortable your favorite jeans, and you may not want to wrinkle your button-up shirt, and that the metal detectors make jewelry kind of annoying, blah. I also realize that many people view airplanes as a one-way ticket to death, so they probably aren't putting a lot of emphasis on their outfit.
But, please, make the world a shinier place! Even if you are going to die, they're going to recover your body, and don't you want to be remembered well? But before your death, everyone else has too LOOK at you! Probably ten people will service you before you even board the plane. Pay them a tiny ounce of respect and please don't flash your thong, poking up through a pair of faded, stretched-out, ripped and past-season Target drawstring Xhilaration polka-dotted poly-blend pants.
Yikes, I just barfed in my mouth.
Anyway, ladies, let's commence a revolution: cute, neat-looking, clean loungewear to wear in public in place of whatever else may have been on your mind. Being confident will make your trip more fun and more exciting, and will make your de-planing a moment of pride.
And a cardigan never hurt anybody!

Ballet Pink Nail Polish

I think that baby pink nail polish, that shade reminiscent of pointe shoes, is symbolic of a lot of things that women should be. Not in a stereotypical way, not like every woman should be doing ballet or figuratively floating around with graceful arm movements. But a woman should be polished and tasteful- pretty in the more intricate senses of the word. With the re-emergence of 90s fashion like some bat out of a plaid hell, these disturbing images of grungy young women are incessantly parading about in my head. I am reminded of my pet peeve (if you can still call it a pet after it has expanded to three times the size of my makeup collection), possibly an idea I hate more than that of being uncontrollably fat: the ill-kempt woman.

I don't know when certain women got it into their heads that they no longer needed to posess a sense of femininity, but could someone take a large stick to these women's viscera? Women through all (mentionable) centuries have been symbols of grace and refinement, so what exactly lead to the invention of fishnets? I grimace when I see a young woman who has seemingly let go of her sense of girliness. You lose a part of your feminine self when you dye your hair an ungodly chartreuse color and don a pair of carpenter jeans. You do nothing for the name of women when you put on a sweatshirt and track pants and go about your business as though no one else will view you all day (unless that truly is the case). Don't we want to inspire people? Don't we want people to be impressed by us, stunned and taken aback by us? That has been the (okay, a) role of women throughout history. Shouldn't a girl be proud of that?

So many college freshman take their new sense of independence too far (as in, they are independent all over your face). They rebel from "the establishment" because it is finally legal for them to do so in ways they never could. They choose to, then, use their bodies as canvases for their statements, and end up a mess of tattoos and dyed hair, zip-up hoodies with hand-sewn patches, puce cordury pants held up with drawstrings... It is a pile of college excreta. What happened to the feeling of freshly-shaved calves rubbing against each other under the clean sheets? Of moisturized hands running serum through your hair? What happened to the satisfying click of high heels and the soft feeling of a silk-lined skirt? Do these girls miss these things?

These rituals that define our femininity need to be upheld! This is what makes us women, and what is so alluring about us: the act of spraying perfume, the buffing of fingernails, hands clasping a pair of earrings at a jawline, the quick swoop in which we tie our hair into a bun before washing our faces. These things are part of what makes us girls, in every decade previously and hopefully in many decades to come. Perfume pulls people toward us and makes them want to stay. A woman's scent will stay with someone and make a very lasting impression. Soft, glowing skin is asking to be touched, and white teeth are more often exposed in a welcoming smile.

I hope that the sense of femininity does not dwindle as the world falls from natural beauty. I want women to inspire and create art and color in this world, to be walking paintings of detail and grace. A good start is a baby pink fingernail.


An addendum: Protest and speak out! Be sassy and strong and braver than the men. Bitch at people for treating you like scum, and do so with the idea of a large and possibly rabid bear in the back of your head. I am not advocating that women give up their voices, I am just saying... You'll run errands anyway, so why not look pretty doing so? And more people will notice your protest sign if it is being held up by a hand of red fingernails.